4. TV Is the Best Medicine
Mar. 1st, 2006 12:19 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sanpaku_backupI didn't get to mention in the last post that we never have actually reached for Raffi. Some things you just know not to screw around with. Pass the word along to people who might be tempted to get you presents. (We're really more likely to reach for Miss Nelson and Bruce Haack, i.e. totally forgotten weird shit.)
So once the music issue is engaged, you face the horrorshow that is children's television. The general stupidity and crassness of television led us to consider throwing it out once Jo was born, but the truth is, we are addicts, and life without The Simpsons doesn't seem worth living. Especially with kids running you ragged, you need something as mindless as those TiVo'd Robot Chicken episodes to look forward to.
But television is like the music issue squared. Boohbah or Teletubbies act on the one-year-old mind like a magnet to iron filings. They will get your child to stop crying. They are, in fact, scientifically designed to overload your kids' sensory circuits. And they are good at that.
But they end. And then you face the dilemma. The best thing to do with a bored kid is engage them by playing or reading to them. And yet, over the many hours of the day, this is a challenge. You need to go to the bathroom and clean the dishes. For your own sanity, you need to read the newspaper or eat or just anything. Moreover, there are just some times -- right after naptime, for example -- when kids' senses haven't fully come on yet and you can't make them happy. And the one-eyed god is there in the living room. And those puffy white boxes other people have bought for you...
First of all, you discover, holy shit is this worse than I remember. To some extent, you reason, this is selective. You eventually remember having watched hours and hours of The Pink Panther and you don't have any attention deficit delicious sandwich spread. But there is nothing remotely approaching the horror of Boohbah in our collective childhoods. We didn't know how good we had it when four channels were all that existed in television. It made the Electric Company and Mister Rogers appealing, somehow, especially in nostalgia. You also pick up on things you didn't notice 25 years ago: older, less treacly cartoons are also more violent and often offensive. ("What's Pokey being when he says he hopes the Pesky Indians let him leave with his scalp?" "Wacist." "Very good!")
But some of it is objective evidence for the decline of civilization as we know it. Sesame Street has been defiled by the Whore of Elmo. You try counterprogramming with "better" shows only to discover that they don't appeal to kids at all, like Mister Rogers, much to your disappointment. The Muppet Show works for only a while. But goddamn if your toddler doesn't love Elmo. Moths to the flame.
So, the dilemma. But the great thing is to learn that a good remedy is near at hand once you think about why it is that you hate children's programming -- you know it all already. Most of the appeal to kids is in its novelty. And the novelty will wear off for them, eventually. You have to learn how to find something you can live with that will still be effective.
From armchair observation, it does seem that few parents care about this entire issue. Instead of having to crush the part of the conscience that feels guilty at having your children raised by cartoon insects, they don't have it at all. No arguing with taste, but surely they must deal with the problem of diminishing returns. Now you know why children's media is such a big business... parents searching for something, anything, to feed into the maw.
Thus the approach: TV is the best medicine, literally. Think of it as one of several types of remedies for boredom. You need to find a titration level that is low enough to work effectively, repeatedly, when you really need it. That means lowering the saccharine level and parceling it out in small quantities. Too much and it won't only get on your nerves, it will bore them, and you're back to square one. If you see the dosage level getting too high with too few results, grit your teeth and go cold turkey for a few days. It's amazing how effective this can be all around.
So once the music issue is engaged, you face the horrorshow that is children's television. The general stupidity and crassness of television led us to consider throwing it out once Jo was born, but the truth is, we are addicts, and life without The Simpsons doesn't seem worth living. Especially with kids running you ragged, you need something as mindless as those TiVo'd Robot Chicken episodes to look forward to.
But television is like the music issue squared. Boohbah or Teletubbies act on the one-year-old mind like a magnet to iron filings. They will get your child to stop crying. They are, in fact, scientifically designed to overload your kids' sensory circuits. And they are good at that.
But they end. And then you face the dilemma. The best thing to do with a bored kid is engage them by playing or reading to them. And yet, over the many hours of the day, this is a challenge. You need to go to the bathroom and clean the dishes. For your own sanity, you need to read the newspaper or eat or just anything. Moreover, there are just some times -- right after naptime, for example -- when kids' senses haven't fully come on yet and you can't make them happy. And the one-eyed god is there in the living room. And those puffy white boxes other people have bought for you...
First of all, you discover, holy shit is this worse than I remember. To some extent, you reason, this is selective. You eventually remember having watched hours and hours of The Pink Panther and you don't have any attention deficit delicious sandwich spread. But there is nothing remotely approaching the horror of Boohbah in our collective childhoods. We didn't know how good we had it when four channels were all that existed in television. It made the Electric Company and Mister Rogers appealing, somehow, especially in nostalgia. You also pick up on things you didn't notice 25 years ago: older, less treacly cartoons are also more violent and often offensive. ("What's Pokey being when he says he hopes the Pesky Indians let him leave with his scalp?" "Wacist." "Very good!")
But some of it is objective evidence for the decline of civilization as we know it. Sesame Street has been defiled by the Whore of Elmo. You try counterprogramming with "better" shows only to discover that they don't appeal to kids at all, like Mister Rogers, much to your disappointment. The Muppet Show works for only a while. But goddamn if your toddler doesn't love Elmo. Moths to the flame.
So, the dilemma. But the great thing is to learn that a good remedy is near at hand once you think about why it is that you hate children's programming -- you know it all already. Most of the appeal to kids is in its novelty. And the novelty will wear off for them, eventually. You have to learn how to find something you can live with that will still be effective.
From armchair observation, it does seem that few parents care about this entire issue. Instead of having to crush the part of the conscience that feels guilty at having your children raised by cartoon insects, they don't have it at all. No arguing with taste, but surely they must deal with the problem of diminishing returns. Now you know why children's media is such a big business... parents searching for something, anything, to feed into the maw.
Thus the approach: TV is the best medicine, literally. Think of it as one of several types of remedies for boredom. You need to find a titration level that is low enough to work effectively, repeatedly, when you really need it. That means lowering the saccharine level and parceling it out in small quantities. Too much and it won't only get on your nerves, it will bore them, and you're back to square one. If you see the dosage level getting too high with too few results, grit your teeth and go cold turkey for a few days. It's amazing how effective this can be all around.
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no subject
Date: 2006-03-01 06:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-02 02:38 am (UTC)Barukh ha-shem! -- you had me scared for a bit back there!
These are great fun!
I also loved the Made-up New England Holiday!
no subject
Date: 2006-03-02 02:55 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-02 12:58 pm (UTC)