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sanpaku_backupThe past two days of work have been unbelievably frustrating. First the big boss dissed the module I wrote for problems that were only visible to him, then asked, "how did this get past QC?" Ah, yes, the Quality Control department I worked in until you abolished it 6 months ago, you dink, remember? It doesn't really reflect on me but as usual everyone has to scramble around to please one person, and as usual this happens at 4:30 pm.
I don't know exactly what ticked me off so much today. I had an afternoon cup of coffee, which always puts me in a great mood. Then I saw that this map module I asked for, the graphics guy who built it did it in black and white-- shades of gray to illustrate things on a map-- and with 7 or 8 shades it's pretty damn difficult to tell them apart. I know nothing about graphics but it seems pretty stupid to do things in black and white when you can indicate the same thing in color and make it easier to understand. Then he did the map wrong after I specifically told him to do it another way.
I don't know why I'm complaining except that it's another case of me wondering how it is that people get by at work without showing basic competence. The graphics guy just slaps things in without a lot of attention to detail and misspells everything and then someone has to catch all the errors, and if we don't the big boss finds them... repeat step 1. Not like I am the world's most competent employee or something, but I wouldn't turn in shit that was misspelled at a job. Just check your god damn work, is all. Don't make other people fix your mistakes because you are too lazy to do it yourself.
Anyway a bit tetchy anyhow as Mrs. Sanpaku has gone away for the week again.... she won't get any time in August, she reasons. It would not be a problem if I could think of what the hell to do with my life other than feel sorry for myself all the time. I should get good at something other than academics if I'm not going to be a professor, and I feel pretty low about all that right now. I should become the world's best... something. I don't know what. I have very little internal drive to achieve or accomplish anything.
I feel I am repeating the past year's worth of journal entries.
I moved here a year ago tomorrow, which is interesting. I feel we are getting our feet here. Mrs. S. still talks a lot about missing Baltimore. I think it was time for us to leave Dodge, we knew the place too well and I felt I was in a rut. Here, we are finally starting to find stuff, I feel. Neat parks and whatnot.
Also notice that I have stopped complaining that my former boss does not invite me out for lunch. I found out why he didn't: he's having midday bridge games, and now that I know bridge, I am invited. Not a particularly deep thing, but he is well plugged in to what happens with the company and he's a pretty amusing bloke.
I have to think of something intelligent to do with myself one of these days. I am counting the hours until Ghost World opens here. I rented Titus (pretty fucking awesome) and Steal This Movie (eh, only worth renting to see Janeane Garofalo for a few minutes). Now I rented State and Main. I bought a weedwacker and some new clothes. That is pretty much exhaustive of my ideas for what to do with myself this week.
I don't know exactly what ticked me off so much today. I had an afternoon cup of coffee, which always puts me in a great mood. Then I saw that this map module I asked for, the graphics guy who built it did it in black and white-- shades of gray to illustrate things on a map-- and with 7 or 8 shades it's pretty damn difficult to tell them apart. I know nothing about graphics but it seems pretty stupid to do things in black and white when you can indicate the same thing in color and make it easier to understand. Then he did the map wrong after I specifically told him to do it another way.
I don't know why I'm complaining except that it's another case of me wondering how it is that people get by at work without showing basic competence. The graphics guy just slaps things in without a lot of attention to detail and misspells everything and then someone has to catch all the errors, and if we don't the big boss finds them... repeat step 1. Not like I am the world's most competent employee or something, but I wouldn't turn in shit that was misspelled at a job. Just check your god damn work, is all. Don't make other people fix your mistakes because you are too lazy to do it yourself.
Anyway a bit tetchy anyhow as Mrs. Sanpaku has gone away for the week again.... she won't get any time in August, she reasons. It would not be a problem if I could think of what the hell to do with my life other than feel sorry for myself all the time. I should get good at something other than academics if I'm not going to be a professor, and I feel pretty low about all that right now. I should become the world's best... something. I don't know what. I have very little internal drive to achieve or accomplish anything.
I feel I am repeating the past year's worth of journal entries.
I moved here a year ago tomorrow, which is interesting. I feel we are getting our feet here. Mrs. S. still talks a lot about missing Baltimore. I think it was time for us to leave Dodge, we knew the place too well and I felt I was in a rut. Here, we are finally starting to find stuff, I feel. Neat parks and whatnot.
Also notice that I have stopped complaining that my former boss does not invite me out for lunch. I found out why he didn't: he's having midday bridge games, and now that I know bridge, I am invited. Not a particularly deep thing, but he is well plugged in to what happens with the company and he's a pretty amusing bloke.
I have to think of something intelligent to do with myself one of these days. I am counting the hours until Ghost World opens here. I rented Titus (pretty fucking awesome) and Steal This Movie (eh, only worth renting to see Janeane Garofalo for a few minutes). Now I rented State and Main. I bought a weedwacker and some new clothes. That is pretty much exhaustive of my ideas for what to do with myself this week.
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my dirty secret
Date: 2001-08-01 09:50 am (UTC)But sometimes this fugitive thought creeps in on me. Whenever I get bored at work (all too often, I'm afraid) I start thinking about what I really want to be doing. I think this is a good thing to do since your goals have got to change as you learn new stuff and get some experience. I have a bunch of different ideas, and I'm starting to work towards one of them. But here's the thing: in my heart of hearts, what I actually want out of life has nothing at all to do with work. My dream, it turns out, is to move back to Vermont and get a small house with a big garden, and have two children.
You can't imagine how hard it is for me to admit that to myself.
Re: my dirty secret
Date: 2001-08-01 10:29 am (UTC)Also, I got this damn degree. I cannot think of doing something with my life without reflecting that I have wasted 7 years already doing something that I expected, and everyone told me, was worthwhile. So I now have no faith that anything else I do will turn out to be worthwhile. That is the real problem.
Again, with me feeling your pain!
Date: 2001-08-01 11:50 am (UTC)Geez, "waste" is such a strong word... But it is hard not to feel in a hurry, isn't it?
egads! I made a grammatical error!
Date: 2001-08-01 11:54 am (UTC)It isn't as if I didn't learn anything at MtL.
Keeping the subjunctive alive, because somebody's gotta do it...