didn't take long
Jan. 9th, 2001 12:55 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sanpaku_backupI was surprised.
I was happy for a day
in nineteen-seventy-five.
-Belle & Sebastian
So I managed to navigate all of the various shoals and rocks of the past week. I had to find a way to go to the AHA convention without being directed to go to the cocktail party the company wanted content developers to go to on Friday night. (Remember, I ain't a content developer.) I didn't want to go on Friday night because I really don't do stuff on Friday night and Saturday anymore. My boss knows this. However who would know if the company CEO, he of the chess incident described earlier, would be understanding. It was also much harder because I was hypocritically undercutting my own principles by trying to get interviews at the AHA and entertaining the possibility of driving to the convention on Saturday should I get an interview.
So I am a hypocrite and I could get reamed again for not being a "team player" if I'm not a hypocrite. This caused me much agita. However I saw the CEO at the conference and he asked me if I was going, and I told him no, which was a very hard thing to explain, but it's time to stop being a coward about myself. And then, as if to reward me for this, I got an interview-- on Sunday. So the party was avoided and principles remained intact. I also gave a paper on Sunday that was marked by some of the most interesting thrust-and-parry I've ever experienced at a conference, and that went well too. So I am back to feeling like a historian and a professional and a Ph.D. and all those dignity things again, which is good.
I managed to stop worrying about and dreading my job. But just the pettiest damn things get to me and bring it all down. My boss once again (as in the notorious "chess" incident) went with the other 2 people in my department to lunch. It's not as though he thinks I'm not in today or something. He always seems friendly and all that. So I'm bummed out and hating everyone again and wishing I was in some academic environment where I didn't give a shit about anyone. That is my Walter Mitty fantasy for this lunchtime. I also know that just one interview ain't gonna get me a ticket out of here.
Why would they not want me along for lunch? What is wrong with me?
I was happy for a day
in nineteen-seventy-five.
-Belle & Sebastian
So I managed to navigate all of the various shoals and rocks of the past week. I had to find a way to go to the AHA convention without being directed to go to the cocktail party the company wanted content developers to go to on Friday night. (Remember, I ain't a content developer.) I didn't want to go on Friday night because I really don't do stuff on Friday night and Saturday anymore. My boss knows this. However who would know if the company CEO, he of the chess incident described earlier, would be understanding. It was also much harder because I was hypocritically undercutting my own principles by trying to get interviews at the AHA and entertaining the possibility of driving to the convention on Saturday should I get an interview.
So I am a hypocrite and I could get reamed again for not being a "team player" if I'm not a hypocrite. This caused me much agita. However I saw the CEO at the conference and he asked me if I was going, and I told him no, which was a very hard thing to explain, but it's time to stop being a coward about myself. And then, as if to reward me for this, I got an interview-- on Sunday. So the party was avoided and principles remained intact. I also gave a paper on Sunday that was marked by some of the most interesting thrust-and-parry I've ever experienced at a conference, and that went well too. So I am back to feeling like a historian and a professional and a Ph.D. and all those dignity things again, which is good.
I managed to stop worrying about and dreading my job. But just the pettiest damn things get to me and bring it all down. My boss once again (as in the notorious "chess" incident) went with the other 2 people in my department to lunch. It's not as though he thinks I'm not in today or something. He always seems friendly and all that. So I'm bummed out and hating everyone again and wishing I was in some academic environment where I didn't give a shit about anyone. That is my Walter Mitty fantasy for this lunchtime. I also know that just one interview ain't gonna get me a ticket out of here.
Why would they not want me along for lunch? What is wrong with me?
